I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
