She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
