She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
