Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
