So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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