On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
