dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
