Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
