Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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