apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
