I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
