god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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