if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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