I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I cockslap morals
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
