i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
