u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
