i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
