Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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