But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
