420 ftw
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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