I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
