Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
