she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
