The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
