You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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