no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
