if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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