Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize