Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ladies don't puke and tell
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
