i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
