And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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