The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
