So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
