It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
