Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
