Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize