I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
