I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
