i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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