he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
