Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
