she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
