meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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