saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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