When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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