I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
