the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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