I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
