I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
