I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
