Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
