How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
