I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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