I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Randomize
