defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
