ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
