My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
