A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
