you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
