We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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