we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
