Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
