I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
