Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
