i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
