I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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