You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
