Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
