She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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