But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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