I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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