she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
