Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize