Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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