The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
